Free Fall
I came across this comment posted to a friend's blog that I read daily. It moved me. This friend is wrestling with some of the same things that I find myself wrestling with here. I want to share it with you. Hopefully the original writer won't mind.
Jim Hemenway writes:About 11 years ago I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. Standing on the deck, feeling the wind, heart racing, feeling like I was going to be sick was the strangest, most terrified feeling I ever had before or since.
We (the instructor and I) jumped, the wind rushed. It was so loud that had I not been concentrating on all my "keys" during free fall I would have covered my ears (good thing it was loud, the noise masked by screaming like a little girl).
After what seemed like a blink, I pulled the cord, there was a sudden upward pull, and then total silence. Total peace, total calm. I will never do it again but I will carry the lessons forever. When you jump(and I am convinced you will jump eventually, you have been standing on the deck for some time now and did not even recognize it) remember others have jumped before you. We are experienced, we will lift you up in prayer and we will walk next to you as best as humanly possible.
The rush will initially be overwhelming, the noise from those around you will be deafening. A sudden jerk as God reorientates you to living his will rather than [somebody else's] will and then peace, silence, calm. Total freedom.
I will add:This is an incedibly lonely jump. We stand on the precipice alone, we free fall alone, we experience the eventual peace and calm of the graceful descent alone. Nobody else understands the reasons for the jump nor the ways in which we jump.